Side Story 20
Tick, tock, TING.
Magical Girl Pururu, let’s get started!
Not so long ago—in fact, quite recently—there was a vast dungeon on a great continent.
To any adventurer, it was staggeringly immense, a true behemoth of a labyrinth, designed with three hundred soul-crushing levels.
It was, quite frankly, a nightmare of a game.
『Hey, can we not start off by trash-talking someone’s dungeon? And what’s with that opening? Is this really a Sunday morning slot!?』
In this abysmal, straight-to-disaster dungeon lived a single slime.
『Are you seriously ignoring me!?』
This slime, named Pururu, was exceptionally adorable.
If you asked a hundred male slimes, each and every one would tell you that she was a beauty beyond compare.
『Wait, since when do slimes have appearances? I mean, sure, Pururu is the cutest in the world, but…』
Could you quiet down and just listen?
『Ah, yes. My apologies, truly sorry.』
Pururu had a troubling concern.
It was her dear, beloved darling.
How could she get closer to him?
How could she establish a more lovey-dovey relationship with him?
Today, as always, Pururu racked her tiny brain hard for answers.
「Pu?… Puru, puu?」←Ljung
「Puu puu! Pu-pu-pu!… Puu~…」←Pururu
「…Puru pu-pu? Puu?」←Ljung
「―――!?… Pu, puu! Pupu-pu!」←Pururu
Today, like any other day, Pururu was consulting with her senior slime, Ljung, about her romantic troubles.
Ljung was a reliable older sister figure to Pururu, always ready to listen seriously and offer advice.
She was a master of love, having matched many slime couples in Fafnir. This kind of consultation was a piece of cake for her (though she was still single).
『Could you at least translate!? I have no idea what’s being said here!?』
Thanks to Ljung’s wonderful advice, Pururu was ready to try it out.
On her way home, she encountered a terribly plain-looking woman.
「Fuhahaha! You seem troubled, cute little slime!」
「Hahaha! Who am I, you ask? My name is Léna-Lloyd Reynolds! Yes, I’m just a kind-hearted witch passing by!」
The plain woman declared herself to be a witch.
She was overly enthusiastic, suspiciously so.
Considering her age, it was a bit embarrassing, but the witch was having the time of her life.
As humans age, they sometimes circle back to a point where they no longer care about the stares of others.
And she probably practiced beforehand because there’s no way this socially awkward witch could speak so fluently without it.
「It seems you have a problem, don’t you?」
「Hehe, it’s obvious to my ‘eyes’. They see everything… I’ll make your wish come true!」
The witch smiled slyly, having bitten her tongue.
With a decisive point at Pururu, the witch proclaimed,
「What you’re troubled about… it’s ‘wanting to help someone in need,’ isn’t it?」
「Pu!? Puru! Puru!」
Strike two for the witch; she’s quite the blunderer, it appears.
Pururu is shaking her body desperately as if to say, “You’ve got it all wrong.”
Actually, Pururu isn’t troubled at all.
She had just received some sage advice from Ljung, and her worries were all squared away.
All that was left was for her to put that advice into action.
「Ha ha ha, it looks like I’ve hit the mark! Then, accept this gift, little slime! I will bestow upon you the power to help everyone!
Now—starting today, you’re a magical girl!」
The witch pays no mind to what Pururu wants, rushing ahead because she’s on her own.
A blinding light envelops Pururu.
And when the light dissipates, there stands Pururu—in a frilly, adorable outfit. It’s an incredibly surreal scene. None of it makes any sense.
Thus, thanks to the smart but foolish witch, Pururu has inadvertently become a magical girl.
♫ Te-te-te-re-te-ten♪ zun zun tatta♪ ♫
(An eye-catching image of Pururu’s pre-transformation form is displayed)
♫ Te-te-te-re-te-ten♪ zun zun tatta♪ ♫
(An eye-catching image of Pururu’s post-transformation form is displayed)
Now, the scene shifts to a different location within the dungeon—a certain spacious hall.
『Wait a sec!? What was that background music!? And that eyecatch!? Was that a commercial!? Did we just have a commercial break!?』
In that hall, a young girl is facing imminent danger.
「Fo-fo-fo, look over here, Tres! This is the latest type of bra I have~」
「No! Stay away, you pervert! Nooo!」
What is going on!? There’s a monocle-sporting gentleman holding a child’s bra while getting closer to a little girl!
What an unreal scene!
『…This is a rather usual scene, isn’t it?』
The little girl does not need a bra yet (physically). However, her friend, Tsumugi, has started wearing bras and she feels left out and lonely. She is a little worried.
This turn of events is tough on a girl at such a delicate age!
This is a terrible act of sexual harassment.
It could traumatize her.
Out of nowhere, a tentacle launched by the mysterious pervert hits its mark.
His right arm is broken.
「Gu, guu… To think I, who can handle a whip, would take this much damage… Who in the world are you!?」
Shimmer-shimmer-shimmer! Lit up from out of nowhere is a slime… No, Magical☆Pururu, the magical girl.
By the way, she’s clinging to the ceiling.
「Wha-what… Who are you exactly!?」
『That’s clearly a slime…』
「Puru! Puru-pu! Pu!」
With her signature line, Pururu bounces down to the ground.
She stands protectively in front of Tres, facing down the lecherous gentleman.
「That frilly outfit… I see, you’re a magical girl… Fo-fo-fo, I was chasing little Tres around, but to think I’d catch such a big fish…!?」
Whoomp! A shadow expands from the lecherous gentleman.
From the spreading shadow, combatants clad in full-body tights appear.
They’re muscle-bound and glossy.
There’s a zipper on their backs.
「Eww… there’s a bunch of them now!」
「Go, my perverted combatants! Take down that magical girl!」
The perverted combatants charge at Pururu all at once.
But Pururu isn’t flustered.
Her body swells enormously.
And she fires more tentacles.
The tentacles unleashed by Pururu swiftly entangle the perverted combatants, swallowing them whole.
Munch-munch, gulp. They’re digested in an instant.
It’s an utter rout. They fall without honor, true to the name of cannon fodder.
「What!? The perverted combatants… gone in a flash… And those tentacles… could you be the legendary super magical girl…!?」
Pururu doesn’t answer.
She just quietly increases the number of tentacles.
Just as a pervert proves himself through his acts, a magical girl demonstrates her power simply by multiplying her tentacles.
『…I’m sorry, I don’t understand any of this.』
However, the sight of those many tentacles has the monstrous pervert trembling.
Tentacles have been an invincible force in countless anime and adult games, dominating beautiful girls.
They’re not something a mere pervert should contend with.
『…Can I go home now?』
Yet the perverted gentleman doesn’t falter.
「No… That super magical girl should have been killed off by censorship in the past broadcasts… I, who carry the young girl crystal within me, am a gentleman of pure breed! I won’t lose so easily――― GUHAAAAAAAAAA!!」
It’s a swift defeat. All that buildup for a swift defeat.
Zip-zap-zap! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
Countless tentacles launched by Pururu relentlessly strike the monstrous pervert.
No mercy for the lecherous. There’s no compassion here.
「Guu… To wield such tentacles without a hint of eroticism… It’s unbelievable.」
In a flash, the perverted gentleman is stripped bare by conveniently cloth-dissolving tentacles.
What’s revealed is a naked old man, more withered than a mummy.
Who could possibly want to see this?
It’s a scene that defies understanding.
「Huh? I can’t see anything.」
Pururu uses one of her tentacles to cover Tres’s eyes.
It’s a necessary move, educationally speaking.
Pururu then increases her tentacle count, inflicting pain on the perverted gentleman.
She tortures him as much as possible.
She tears off his legs, spills his guts, gouges out his brains, and grinds him to pulp, showing him the hell on earth.
『That description is terrifying!』
This level of violence is standard for magical girls these days.
It’s the final blow! As if declaring “This ends now!” she unleashes the last tentacle.
The tentacle pierces straight through the perverted gentleman’s chest.
「Guuuu… At least… I wanted… to show… my disgraceful end… to that girl—hidebu!」
With a terrible parting line, the perverted gentleman explodes.
Bits of flesh splatter everywhere.
Scoop and swallow.
She catches and devours all the flesh before it can hit the ground.
She won’t allow the dungeon or the young girl to be tainted by the filth of a pervert’s blood and flesh.
It’s as if she’s saying, “I’ll be the only one to get dirty…”
「Huh? It’s over…? Oh, thank you, cute slime!」
「Eh, you don’t think it was a big deal? That’s not true! It was amazing! Oh, wait a sec—」
Before the girl can finish her thanks, Pururu leaves the scene.
It’s a magical girl’s promise to exit coolly.
And so, the threat of the perverted gentleman is gone, and peace returns to the dungeon once more.
And they all lived happily ever after…
―――or so it seemed.
In a dark, sunless, mysterious place, two suspicious women are smiling.
「Kuhkuhkuh… It seems the perverted gentleman has been taken care of.」
「It doesn’t matter. He was the weakest among us, the Lolicon Triumvirate… To be taken down (reported) by a mere magical girl is beneath our dignity. Don’t you think so, Sage (Explosion)?」
「Fufu, indeed, Shotacrazy. And there’s not a single flaw in our plan… Once we gather the supreme perverts and complete the Ten Licks, no one will stand against us… Fufufu… Aha-ha-ha-ha!」
One threat passes, and another looms on the horizon.
The battle between the evil pervert organization Lolicon and the magical girl (with a tentacle specialty) Pururu is far from over.
Hang in there, Pururu!
We believe your bravery will save the world…!
Girl Being Attacked……………..Tres
Monstrous Pervert……………….Othel (Deceased)
『Narrator, you’ve got to be kidding meeeeeee!!?』
COMING UP NEXT
Please, don’t die, Pururu!
What will happen to your promise to Tres if you’re gone?
You still have magic left, just endure this and you can even beat the perverts!
Next time “Earth Dies.” Duel standby!
Earth: “Why me!?”
~ Excerpt from “Magical Girl Magical☆Pururu Zwei,” Episode 8 ~
I have my regrets, but I don’t repent.
Next time, an Elja-centric story “The Male Affairs of the Holy Dragon Family.”
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