Side Story 19
My name is Elibel Löwenherzz.
I was once a magician called a sage.
Once… well, in the past tense. I don’t have such power now.
But even though I’ve lost my power, I haven’t lost my pride as a magician.
Magic is wonderful.
The theories and formulas I’ve developed through study and research are like supreme works of art.
Don’t you think they suit a genius like me?
But you know, there’s something I love even more than magic.
And that’s cute things.
To be precise, I love innocent children who know no filth.
I like lolis.
I really like lolis.
I extremely, extremely, extremely love lolis!!!
It’s important, so I’ll say it as many times as necessary.
That’s the best.
When they look up with their pure eyes and say, “Sis, you’re amazing!”… The destructive power of that… Honestly, it’s irresistible.
If they ever squeeze my hand, I get so excited I can’t sleep, both physically and mentally.
In my lifetime, I often tried to buy little girls at the slave market, only to be stopped by my sister or Rias.
When I said it’s fine because it’s with the money I earned, I was punched hard.
Rias even tied me up with binding magic and tried to hand me over to the military police.
Don’t you think that’s terrible?
And when I tried to buy them sneakily, I was always found out.
The intuition of my sister and Rias when I’m about to interact with little girls is strangely sharp.
And then, to make things worse, Berg went behind my back and placed all the little girls I bought into the orphanage run by my sister. So in the end, I couldn’t serve them, couldn’t take their purity, couldn’t even hold their hands.
Don’t you think that’s just awful?
I wanted to sleep with them. Wanted to bathe with them. Wanted to feed them. Wanted to hug them tight.
I wanted to dote, to adore, to cherish to my heart’s content.
Oh, just to catch up any readers who might have forgotten, let me give you a refresher on my life before all this.
What? You want me to stop breaking the fourth wall?
Come on, it’s fine. This is a side story, after all.
Let’s take a breath from the main story and listen to what I have to say.
Because, it seems like this time it’s my monologue that’s going on and on.
Well, it might just be me complaining, I guess.
Ah, I’ve gotten off track.
Let’s get back to the story of my life.
I lived about two hundred years ago.
Back then, it was a dangerous world where demons—or rather, the general term for non-human creatures and monsters—and humans were at war.
Even so, the king of the demons, the so-called Demon King, had been defeated five hundred years ago by a hero who appeared out of nowhere, and in my time, it was just his remnants who claimed to carry on his will causing trouble.
Still, they were quite strong.
The leaders probably had what you’d call disaster-class power.
At least, that’s the rumor.
Honestly, I couldn’t have cared less about such wars.
I couldn’t understand the fools who get all worked up over the dead, and instead of that, wouldn’t it be far more productive to study magic? Or maybe adore little girls.
By the way, the magical theory I developed seems to be the basis of modern magic.
I can’t help but think I’m a genius for creating a magic theory that still holds up after two hundred years, but on the other hand, I’m also greatly disappointed.
Because if a magic theory from two hundred years ago is still relevant, how stupid are modern people…
It’s not bad to learn from the past.
I was a complete novice who didn’t even know the first thing about magic, learned it from Rias, and from there, I thought and researched on my own to become what’s now called a sage.
That’s why I can say this.
It’s not enough for people to just learn from the past.
There’s meaning in applying it and reaching even greater heights.
That’s why a magic theory from two hundred years ago should really be buried and spoken of as nothing more than a relic of the past.
Magic is about constant refinement and research.
You have to keep moving forward. You must continue to advance.
You use the past as a foundation to create the present and link to the future.
That’s the greatest respect you can show to the great figures of the past.
So, when I found out that my theory is still valid today, my disappointment was huge.
Even in the Löwenherz House, where I belonged.
It was sad…
But you know, the one who healed that sadness was Tres.
That idiot is beyond help, but the one thing I’m proud of is creating Tres.
Because she’s just too cute!
I asked Gijie to secretly take pictures of her sleeping face, and what is that adorable creature!
With that alone, I could go a year without needing any other… uh, let’s just say inspiration.
Well, I don’t have that… particular thing anymore.
When I couldn’t hold back and tried to cuddle, she ran away.
When I couldn’t resist and tried to undress her, she ran away again.
But I’m not giving up.
Next time, I will definitely sleep next to her.
If possible, with Tsumugi too, hehehe.
Ah, I’ve gone way off topic.
So, back to the story of my life, the Borhelic Kingdom where I lived was still relatively peaceful amid the war.
It was a country that prospered through the magic stone industry.
We exported magic stones to various countries, so we were protected by many.
The royal family was just a bunch of useless figureheads.
The real governance was in the hands of the kingdom’s Three Great Noble Families.
My own family, the Löwenherz, who focused on magic research.
The Noreds, who from generation to generation harbored the “Dragon Slayer” ability.
And then there’s the Reynolds family, led by that damn old hag.
These three families managed the country.
The Löwenherz House was considered a newcomer, but, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s not an exaggeration to say that the peace of the Borhelic Kingdom was maintained thanks to that hag and the Noreds.
In fact, that hag was extraordinarily strong.
And there were several in the Nored family who could single-handedly defeat King-class adversaries.
And then there’s the troublesome Löwenherz House, where apparently the rule is that the most capable becomes the head of the family.
You see, I’m a genius, special, great, and the strongest, right?
No exaggeration, just plain fact.
At that time, I had already mastered two of the four great attributes to the level of Soul King-class, and Mr Bald (my father) was incessantly nagging me to take over the house.
To be honest, I couldn’t care less about such a position or responsibility, so I passed the headship to my sister and ran away with Berg as quickly as possible.
Oh, the look on Mr Bald (my father)’s face at that time was priceless.
He was tearing at his already thinning hair even more.
It made me laugh.
Even after that, I was estranged from the family, but I kept in frequent contact with my sister.
I couldn’t act as the head, so she got stuck with all the work.
Oh, and I was doing that work even before I ran away, okay?
During that work, I met Berg.
But let’s not get into Berg’s story; it’s pretty heavy.
He was, and still is, my assistant. That’s all there is to it.
And as payment for my work, I had various prospective matches lined up for me.
I was young back then…
I believed that one day, my fated partner would appear before me.
…But why didn’t I ever become popular?
I mean, not to brag, but I’m pretty confident in my looks?
Silver hair from my mother, red eyes like Mr Bald (my father).
Good figure, and I had money from all the magical tools I made.
I had enough power to silence anyone annoying.
And with the Löwenherz House as my backing, I had power at my disposal.
See? Perfect, right?
The most excellent catch you could ask for.
So why didn’t I ever get a boyfriend!!! (Crash!!)
…Ah, I got carried away and broke the table.
Hey, skeletons, clear this up, will you?
Hurry up, move it.
What’s with that look? Got a complaint?
If not, get to work.
Really, why didn’t someone as perfect as me ever become popular?
Whenever I drank or talked about little girls, or when I boasted about blowing up a bunch of normies or vanishing an island with magic, or even when I mentioned how I modified the arms or faces of my matchmaking partners, they would suddenly go pale and run away.
Isn’t that weird!?
I just wanted them to know more about me, but every single one of them would say, “Uh… I’m sorry, I can’t handle you,” or “Please, forgive me! Spare me the pile bunker!”
…Was I too attractive or something?
I was even willing to compromise a fair bit for my partner, so what was the problem?
When I mentioned it to my sister or Rias, they would make a face like they’d bitten into a sour bug.
And Berg, he would just give me a kind look!
What’s that supposed to mean!?
In a fit of pique, I marched over to what seemed like the leader of the warring demon factions and unleashed a fire attribute Soul King-class magic spell, ending the war just like that.
Well… the successors kept popping up here and there, so it was only a temporary end… Why can’t wars just finish?
Even a genius, special, great me couldn’t stop this war.
That was one thing I couldn’t do in my lifetime.
Anyway, I’ve gone on a bit, but basically, that’s how I lived my life before.
Prioritizing my desires above all.
Patience is poison for the body.
If there’s something I can’t do, I’ll do it to the extreme until I can.
Living as I pleased… that’s how I died.
What was the cause of my death, I wonder?
I can’t remember.
Well, it doesn’t matter.
And then, before I knew it, two hundred years had passed.
That really surprised me.
I thought I’d come back to life quickly even after death, but so much time had passed.
And to top it off, it wasn’t humans who resurrected me.
―――It was an Earth Dragon.
A legendary being I had never seen in person.
Because the Divine Catastrophe Dragon King is so famous, this species is said to be the strongest among the dragon king types.
I honestly thought it was an exaggeration.
But after seeing it in person, I had to change my mind.
Vast knowledge, an unbelievable amount of magical power.
The magical skill to easily create golem homunculi, which is considered forbidden art.
Charisma high enough to command incredibly powerful monsters like Imperial Ants and Gluttony Hell Slimes.
I see, this creature is indeed a monster.
But more than that, it was a strange being.
The more time passed, the more my impression of it changed.
How should I put it?
It’s not very dragon-like, oddly petty, or maybe a bit cowardly…
But it was strangely interesting and piqued my curiosity.
And so, I became its retainer and dungeon advisor.
Being a skeleton was inconvenient in some ways, but not feeling sleep or fatigue was a big plus.
Thanks to that, I could spend all my time researching magic.
Isn’t that just the best?
My powers have weakened, but that’s something I can deal with in time.
I’ve used up the “Evolution Magic Stone,” but if I can use that spell with my current body, I can regain my former power.
There’s no problem, really.
…or so I thought, but things didn’t go as planned.
Suddenly the dungeon was destroyed, and here I was, desperately designing its depths, creating forests and lakes, and just when I thought the dungeon was finally complete, that idiot got abducted by Tsumugin.
Then the Celestial Dragon and Holy Dragon showed up, and the dungeon was in chaos.
There was hardly ever a quiet moment.
There was no time to rest.
Was that idiot born under a star that attracts trouble?
It seems like the commotion never ends.
Even in my lifetime, it was never this bad.
Well… I can’t say I have no responsibility for the dungeon destruction…
But that’s not all.
That idiot just casually admitted to having been human once!?
I thought it was being kept a secret from everyone, and here I was, being considerate like a fool!
Really, that idiot is just…
Why do I have to go out of my way for such an idiot…?
Well, I mean, I’m enjoying it, too.
…Yeah, I’ll admit it.
I quite like this new life.
I’m never bored with that idiot around, and Ann and the rest are so full of personality and good-natured that you wouldn’t think they’re monsters.
That’s why I’m afraid of losing it all.
I don’t want to lose it.
That’s how much I’ve come to feel…
So that’s why――― I left the dungeon quietly with Berg.
To settle an old score with Rias from two hundred years ago.
It was entirely my own business, and I didn’t want to drag everyone from the dungeon into it.
Can you believe it?
That idiot showed up right in front of me.
At that moment, I was truly furious.
What was he thinking? Why did he come!?
I yelled, I ranted, spewing out all my selfish thoughts and feelings.
And then, that idiot said to me.
―――Lean on me, he said.
―――Go ahead and be a nuisance to us, he said.
He actually said that.
Can you believe it? Is he an idiot?
His inability to read the situation is worse than mine.
I pushed him away because I didn’t want to be a bother…
Yet he said exactly what I wanted to hear, at the exact moment I wanted to hear it…
Isn’t that just cheating?
Really… it’s maddening.
Why does it make me so happy?
Why do I feel like I’m about to cry?
Why does my heart feel so shaken?
Even though I might die.
Even though I might drag that idiot and everyone into this mess, and it could all be over.
Such an idiot…
Truly an idiot, a fool, the worst, too kind―――and the best… my family.
The fight’s over, and I’ve lost all the power I had accumulated, but still, my place is here.
That idiot told me I belong here.
「Tres, look, look! I made a swimsuit! They call it a ‘school swimsuit’! How about wearing this and going for a swim with me in the lake? No, let’s do it! We must do it!」
「Fo-fo-fo! That is a splendid idea. Allow me to accompany you.」
「Yah!! Stay away, you pervert!!」
『Elibel, what are you doing to Tres?!』
『Lord Earth! I’ll stop her!』
「Ah, Master Earth! I want to swim with you too~」
「E-Elibel, show some restraint―――guahhhhh!!?」
『Ah, Robun got caught in a trap and exploded!?』
「Heh, anyone who interferes with me and Tres deserves to explode!」
「I don’t wanna!」
『Damn it, don’t mess with me! Hey, Ann! Call everyone! Catch that perverted sage!』
My name is Elibel Löwenherz.
Once called a sage, now just a magician who has lost her power.
Now I live my days as a retainer to that idiot―――Earth, in noisy times.
Loud, never boring, and with family.
I love this life, these days… as much as I love little girls.
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